


Say Something.

by Crybaby_TOOgether



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Open Ending, Younghoon A TO BOYZ, angsty, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29987958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crybaby_TOOgether/pseuds/Crybaby_TOOgether
Summary: Younghoon writes letters for the boy who crossed the street for him.
Relationships: Kim Younghoon/Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Say Something.

**Author's Note:**

> As y'all can guess this is inspired by younghoon's a to boyz hehe

Younghoon bit his lip as he tried hard not to sob, he didn't want to but he felt too much. It hurts too much. The letter in his hand was filled with the ink that formed letters and words that he was asked to read. 

❝ _dear hoon_ ,❞

It wouldn't be so hard to read such neat and clear handwriting, but with blurry visions, regrets and a heavy heart, it seemed impossible to read all of them. 

❝ _I hope that when you read this, maybe the pain will go away._ ❞

It did not, it created more. The sounds of cries ringing in his head as he tries to focus on reading the letter, the last letter that he ever received. 

❝ _I hope you became so much more than what you were before. You have so much talents and potentials in you, I hope you see it too_.❞

It took all his control to not crumble the letter as he tried to suppress the cries of agony that he wanted to let out as he reread the lines over and over again, The hopes and the wishes, the expectations, It all came. 

He can see his potential now, He can see his worth, but he can never see him again. 

❝ _Are you going to miss me? I hope you won't forget the time when we looked at the same sky as we held each other, The food that we made and ate, and the movies we watched. I hope you won't forget our memories_.❞

Younghoon let a tear escape, freely falling down as he the pain was too much- it hurts. He didn't want to let go- but it hurts more even if he didn't. 

❝ _I hope you'll have a house for yourself and your love ones! I remember that you are easily cold so I bought you that sweater. You thought I bought that for myself because I wore it, right? Haha!_ ❞

Younghoon unconsciously hugged himself as he silently cried, the sweater that was given and bought for him was the same sweater he's still wearing. It took him all his sanity to not lose his mind as he tries to focus on reading, distracting himself from the pain as he focuses on the reason why he's feeling it. 

❝ _I'm sorry I didn't told you sooner. I love you, but I hid it._ ❞

Younghoon couldn't take it anymore. Oh, the words that he wanted to hear- the words that he longed to hear all this year was written on the piece of paper. He wanted to hear it from him, coming from his beautiful and pink lips, whispering it near his ears, or while they kissed. 

He cries and cries- he reads it again, and again, hoping to hear his voice at least inside his head, wanting to hear him say it to him, face to face as he tries to forget the amount of times they hid their longing and love behind the hopeful smiles and content sigh. 

❝ _As I am writing this, I'm wearing the white sneakers you've bought me! You said wear it for special occasions since it's special because it came from you, right? This day was so special. I hope you remember!_ ❞ 

Younghoon did remember, the first day that he wore the gift he gave him, it was the time when both of them tried to escape reality while filling their heads with the fantasy of the night as they both looked at the stars. 

That was the first time he saw him wear it, and also the last time. Sirens, red and blue lights as he remembers his love crossing the street for him because he was on the other side. 

He did not make it. 

❝ _Because I know that one day, When I'm gone you're going to leave this letter and will try your hardest to not read it. But please, Once you do, I hope you feel that I love you. I love you, I will keep loving you. I'm sorry if you feel tired because of my craziness- It can't be help, I'm just the way I am_.❞

Younghoon never had any problems with him and his attitude, it made him love him even more. The blunt and honest replies, the loud laughs and silent actions, his love language that he still carries until now, everything about him, screams him. 

❝ _One day, Let's meet again. For now, Until I see you. I love you!_

_Because I am truly and sincerely, **Yours**._ ❞

Younghoon lets the pain take over, controls his heart and wonders. Has love ever felt this painful? Has love ever been this painful? He thought they would last, as friends or turn to lovers. Any of this above, as long as he's with him. 

As long as he's alive. 

They weren't the sun nor the moon that when together, creates an eclipse. They weren't the night and day that only met during dusk and dawn. They were the stars that shine during the night. Miles apart, but is still there for each other. 

He took a hold of his own letter, the letter that he's been wanting to burn. He didn't want to let go of his love, but if with fuel the pain will continue to burn. He wished he said all these things to him, but then he thought, it's too late. 

❝Hi,

Sometimes when I see the blue sky, eating delicious food, or seeing fun things, I want to live for a long time.

But then when I see myself wanting to die, I still think that I am disgustingly unpredictable. 

Today I woke up when the sun went down. Because it's so cold, I wore the thick outer you bought for me. On the way back home from my part-time work, there is the bus stop we used to meet at. You especially hated the apartments across the bus stop. 

The apartments with a clear view of the inner side. The fine inner side of the window was like a well-polished side of life.

Maybe we thought that it was a life that we could never reach. Hiding our yearning with disgust was our specialty. 

Looking at the front of white sneakers, getting off from the No.45 bus, made me smile immediately. Because I always knew that it was you. Instead of walking, we sat on a chair. Laughing & talking for a long time. Like people who don't care about what's happening over the window. 

Did I already say thank you for loving me? I think I haven't. The Nineteen me who used to hate so many things, has turned into a neat Twenty Five. It's no fun. Everyday I think about the unusual and fussy times I spent with you. Although I was tired and sick, I miss it. 

_I miss you. Jaehyun, I still love you a lot_. 

Sincerely and forever yours, _Younghoon_.❞

> And as painful as it can get, he lit the note on fire. Now, he starts to feel free. From the pain, but not from their memories. 

* * *

letter translation credits from [@DforQ](https://twitter.com/DforQ/status/1369956750372216833?s=19) on twitter!


End file.
